I’m curious to know how many women who marry and become stepmoms jump into their new family dynamic with guns blazing and an attitude of, “I’m the new sheriff in town.” I remember thinking Dan’s ex-wives didn’t have a clue about how to be married, or stay married, so I was gonna straighten this man out – his kids, my kids, and this new home. I know some of you are laughing at this point … probably because you felt the same way!
After only a few months, God reined in my “Annie Oakley spirit” and showed me my “my way or the highway” approach was going to bring resentment, separation, and destruction. God brought me low; He brought me to a place of humility. I was going to have to learn I did not have all I needed to blend this new family. I was going to have to ask questions, seek counseling, and have many discussions with Dan and our new family members. I was going to have to ask God to guide every footstep. I knew I was right where God wanted me even though I felt so inadequate. I also believed that God doesn’t always call the equipped; He instead equips the ones He calls. I knew I was called to be a stepmom to Dan’s two children who had seen too many failed relationships in the past. I knew I was called to be a steadfast, lifelong partner to Dan and work side by side in ministry. And I had the proof of the past to know God would not leave me or forget about me, but would lead, guide, protect, and provide for this crazy new venture.
As I flip through my Bible, there are numerous verses about humility. Ephesians 4:2 tells us, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” James 4:10 says, “Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up.” Finally, 1 Peter 3:8 says, “all of you be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”
Oh stepmom, put your guns away. This family will not be won by making sure that everyone knows this is “your house and your rules.” This family is fragile. Step carefully because the carnage of the past is still very present in the lives of your husband and his children – not to mention what you and your children have had to live through. Step carefully and humbly as you let this new family know you are here to love, serve, guide, and provide. As they see Jesus in you, His compassion and His humility, I have a feeling you are going to be voted in as the “new sheriff” for a lifetime term!
Blessings in Your Blending!