How do you make a marriage – blended or otherwise – last? That is a question I have heard many times – as well as have asked it myself. If I try the latest five steps to a healthier marriage – will that make it last? If I do a major overhaul on myself and change as much as possible – will that make it last? If I just become a submissive, doormat of a wife, will that make my marriage last?
It’s always good to look for ways to improve your marriage. Dan and I attend marriage conferences as often as we can – partly to help you and others we coach – and then also to give us a boost and hopefully enhance our own marriage. I then follow various marriage sites on Facebook – such as Dave and Ashley Willis. This gives my brain positive input regarding marriage.
But even after all these awesome marriage enrichment events and posts, I have found a simple answer to the question of how to make a marriage last – – and that is to love with a love that is not your own. All by ourselves, trying to love someone else can end up all ways of wrong. We may become co-dependent, or self-seeking and even controlling.
Again, God has not left us to figure this out on our own. First John 4:9-11 says, “This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”
In these verses, God is telling us that we can love others through the amazing love shown to us by the sacrifice Jesus made for us on the cross – not because we deserved it – but because He was showing us His perfect love.
In response to His gift, we should love others in gratitude for our own salvation. John 15:13 tells us that there is a greater love – that someone lay down his life for his friends. In our world of broken relationships, stripped marriages, torn families – the thought of laying down our lives for someone else sounds totally ludicrous.
But finding a love and keeping a love requires great sacrifice. We give up time and our own desires to be with those we love. We spend energy and money to take care of those we love. But so many times we get selfish and tired. We don’t want to try anymore. We don’t want to make the sacrifices.
And this is where we miss it … we stop short of the goal and we throw in the towel. In our own power, energy and ability, we come up short.
But God has an amazing love for us. God has shown an amazing love for us.
You have the ability to share that love for others – for your spouse, children, family, friends – and even strangers that God has given you a compassion.
The key is to go all in – give it everything. Let God love your spouse and family through you. This love will transform your life and theirs. It is an incredible love – a love not your own – but a love freely given for you to share. A love that can make a marriage last!
Blessings in your Blending!