Previously, I shared with you a favorite saying of mine: “sin always rises to the top.” Much like the refinement of silver or gold where heat is applied and the impurities (or dross) surface and then are skimmed off – our sins have a habit of surfacing – whether we want them to or not – and God is able to skim those impurities off – continuing to create us to be a reflection of Him.
I shared that in relation to my own life. But today, I want to look at this in relation to those around you. In particular, a step child that has been manipulative, defiant, aggressive, deceitful – or maybe all of those things. It is extremely difficult to live in a house with a child set out to destroy you and make you want to leave. It is even harder to live in a house with a husband that doesn’t see the child acting this way – and then – doesn’t believe his child would act this way.
Let’s look at how you are going to survive this. First, know that you are not alone. There are many that have gone before you and there can be victory. You just need some knowledge and time and a lot of God! The blended family has come from a broken puzzle. Just imagine taking your puzzle pieces from a previous family and trying to make them fit with your new husband and kids’ puzzle pieces from their previous family. I’m telling you, these pieces are not going to fit. I remember, as a child, doing a puzzle and trying to smash a puzzle piece where it didn’t belong. The edges ended up getting scrunched as well as leaving gaps in other areas of the puzzle. The same can happen in your blended family. Forcing relationships or forcing your husband to see that he has a child acting maliciously can make matters worse.
Secondly, I would encourage you to pray for the step child and also pray for God to show you how to respond to the step child. I would calmly share situations that have come up regarding the step child with your husband – asking him for ideas on how to handle the situations. If your husband doesn’t believe you – or thinks you are trying to get the step child to go live with the bio mom, then step back and ask God to allow the step child to make his actions and attitudes apparent to their dad. Often times, when a parent can see for themselves their child’s bad behaviors, they are more likely to respond and take corrective action. Otherwise, the dad might feel like you are trying to sabotage his relationship with his child. That is the beauty of the saying, “sin always rises to the top.” Our actions and attitudes can’t always be kept hidden.
Lastly, at some point and time, your step child’s sins will be revealed. Ecclesiastes 12:14 says, “For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.” Luke 12:2 says, “But there is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known.”
God, knowledge and time will be your best alliances. Your marriage is the most important covenant relationship on this earth. It is going to take God’s supernatural power to make it work, your knowledge of the process and your patience to let time heal and blend and bond. It can work. God can create a new puzzle with individual pieces that have been reshaped to fit. It’s going to be a masterpiece!
Blessings in your Blending!