Find Ways to Make Them “Ours”

goes with bmm79

I want to talk to you about step parenting. I have received numerous messages asking for advice on how to parent his bio kids.

Many of you are beating your heads against a wall trying to be this amazing wife and step mom – building a strong marriage as well as setting up a new home and creating stability and security for his kids.

Some of you are having difficulty letting your husband parent your bio kids. You have raised them a certain way and now that you are married again, it’s hard to turn over your children to someone else to help parent – or even listen to their advice or opinions.

But this is what you signed up for. This is the blended family. This is taking “his” and “yours” and finding ways to make them “ours.”

I’m going to give you a strategy to maybe make the journey a little less frustrating. So here goes: just be you.

Your husband fell in love with you because of your personality, your smile, the way you laugh, the way you make him feel special. He did not fall in love with you because he figured you’d be the perfect step mom.

He probably wasn’t thinking too much of his kids at all when he started dating you and pursuing you. Love happens that way much of the time; we are just drawn to certain people and then we figure we will work out the kinks in due time.

I encourage you to quit trying to be Wonder Woman and just be his woman!  Allow time to build your relationship with your man – respect him, serve him, flirt with him.

As you build and strengthen your marriage, the parenting part of the relationship will slowly develop as well. Ask his opinions on discipline and consequences. Ask him how he would like for you to handle specific child situations that come up.

If you are not comfortable with handling things his way, then wait until he is available to talk and then let him handle the issue. As the kids become more comfortable with their new family, and as you become more sure of the ways you and your husband want to parent, then you will be able to slowly step in and step parent.

The same is true for your husband and your bio kids. Work on your marriage and then slowly draw your husband into his new role of being a step dad. You draw more bees with honey – so be sweet and go slow. You can get stung if you go in with arms flailing, bossiness and loudness.

Jeremiah 9:23-24 reads, “This is what the Lord says: The wise man must not boast in his wisdom; the strong man must not boast in his strength; the wealthy man must not boast in his wealth. But the one who boasts should boast in this, that he understands and knows Me — that I am Yahweh, showing faithful love, justice, and righteousness on the earth, for I delight in these things. This is the Lord’s declaration.”

Just as these verses have instructed us to walk in humility, do the same in your blended family. We can certainly boast in the Lord – of His righteousness and good works but in our families – our relationships – we gain more by giving up our pride and entitlements.

Blessings in your Blending!

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