Step family dads. How’s it going? I know that if us step family moms have struggles, you certainly must have your share as well. I feel compelled to try to encourage you today and cheer you on. I also want you to know my heart as we step forward to create a strong family unit and marriage. Please listen to my letter to you …
My Dear Main Man,
This new journey in step-family-land has certainly been a wild ride. I am so glad I fell in love with you – you bring much joy and happiness into my life. With all the good, though, there are some areas where I feel a need to share with you as well as dialog with you on how to make our family better. Please take the time to listen and think over so we can discuss later.
First, I want you to know:
- I’m doing what I can to figure this family out. I am reading blogs, researching articles, and reaching out to other step family moms for advice and help to be the best I can be for you and this family.
- I’m aware of the responsibility you bear – the failed relationship of the past; the establishment of a new family unit; the desire to protect and provide for all of us; the hope that this relationship will work and not have to split up and divide furniture again.
- I’m aware of how much I tend to ‘bug’ you with constant conversations about how we should discipline the kids or how to get your kids to accept me. I even admit dwelling too much on your ex and her manipulative ways.
- I’m aware that leaving for your job every day is probably more like a vacation than work. I can also understand where it’s easier for you to see me more as maid, chauffeur and chef instead of wife, friend and lover.
Those things being said, I want you to know that our life together – our family – can be good. I believe that we both possess the tools to get there. So, secondly:
- I feel life will get better as we face the challenges head on – and not bury, ignore, or run from them
- I need us to discuss the hard topics. I need a plan on how we want our household to run; how we work the finances; how we discipline the kiddos.
- I promise to work by your side to make this family strong.
- I feel like our family would work best when you are the “’captain of the team.” (After all, you can’t have two people on a horse and both of them controlling the reigns.)
- I need your guidance. I need your approval. I need your input. I promise to hold on to you as you lead!
- I feel like I work harder when I know our relationship and family are a priority to you.
- I need you to want me for more than sex and my laundry skills.
- I promise to work harder and have a better attitude towards you and our family as we both place our family as a priority.
- I feel like your ex still controls and manipulates you. I need you to work towards civility and cooperation with her. I promise to stand by you and not make the drama any worse.
- I feel like your kids would be better able to accept me if you stood up for me – promoted me. I need you to let them know that you picked me for your team – I didn’t just get here on my own.
Lastly, — I promise to be your biggest cheerleader and fan!
1 Peter 3:7 says “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Being a healthy stepfamily requires constant work and focus. Fix your focus and work together toward that ultimate goal of an extraordinary marriage and family!
Blessings in your Blending!