You are normal. Your feelings are normal. Your situation is normal.
I wish someone would have shared those words with me when I was up to my eyeballs in misery and thinking; “I can’t take this anymore. God, why would you do this to me, I don’t see this family ever blending!”
Since I took a big step of faith (well, actually I think Dan pushed me … ) and published my first book on being a step mom, I have had the opportunity to connect with so many other step moms. Our stories are all different and yet have the same thread weaved through each one. Doubts. Fears. Challenges. Dislike. Bitterness. Contempt. I often hear, “This is too hard.” “I can’t take his ex anymore.” “I’ve tried and tried and nothing changes.”
After hearing these phrases and then comparing my blended family journey to other step moms, I have found that — we are normal! We find it crazy that his kids still disrespect us and hubby won’t stand up for us. We can’t believe that his ex says ‘jump’ and he says ‘how high’. We try to discipline and keep up with our homes and yet there is no help – either emotionally, mentally or physically. Step mom, you are not alone. This journey, this family is difficult. I said this before and I’ll stand by it…God did not design marriage to look like the blended family marriage. We botched this up. The good news is that God can take our worst situations though, and turn them into a victorious purpose for Him and His glory. I didn’t understand how or why when I first became a step mom. But in just twelve short years, I can look back and be truly thankful for the journey and the relationship I now have with my kids.
You will also hear me saying that this journey was not made alone – God was with me every single breath and step. I drew strength and encouragement from God’s Word. I love Isaiah 41:10 which says, “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Romans 8:37 says, “But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.” Finally, Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
You need to memorize these verses. They will be important weapons that you will need daily to fight the doubts and fears, and slay the bitterness and contempt. And remember, to grab hold of the encouragement of other step moms. Some of us have all the kids out of the house and can share how we survived. Some of you are still in the very midst of diapers, divas and drama and yet still have some sanity and sage advice to share. Wherever you are, take and draw courage from your fellow blended family moms and repeat after me: “I am normal!”
Blessings in your Blending!